[00:09.32] I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert [00:13.17] That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love. [00:20.79] It had been a while. [00:22.70] In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went [00:25.91] Since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10. [00:30.22] I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons [00:33.42] Through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops. [00:38.00] Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips, [00:42.39] Milky white skin and baby blue eyes. [00:43.96] Name was Russell. [00:47.36] Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' [00:55.84] Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' [01:05.11] Well I find it's quite a thrill [01:09.78] When she grinds me against her will [01:14.42] Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' [01:24.72] Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave", [01:28.14] This pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my balls [01:31.34] Like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock. [01:34.01] Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin', [01:38.55] 'Cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer." [01:42.38] Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern, [01:46.13] And I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask [01:49.76] As I do my little kooky dance. [01:52.15] And then she told me to shush. [01:54.29] I guess she could sense my desperation. [01:57.32] 'Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl. [02:01.16] Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' [02:09.97] Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' [02:19.16] Well I find it's quite a thrill [02:23.76] When she grinds me against her will [02:28.60] Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' [02:38.97] So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true. [02:43.63] So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ [02:47.10] Is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole [02:49.67] With a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something [02:51.95] Resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?" [02:56.32] Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later [02:59.60] I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean. [03:03.35] Got to nail her back at her trailer. [03:05.81] Heh. That rhymes. [03:08.67] I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on [03:11.31] When I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula. [03:15.16] Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' [03:23.98] Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' [03:33.29] Well I find it's quite a thrill [03:37.87] When she grinds me against her will [03:42.50] Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' [03:53.03] Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch, [03:56.31] Gave the tranny a spin and slid on into [03:57.61] The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop. [04:01.58] There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb", [04:04.30] When I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton. [04:08.85] Well, my heart just dropped. [04:11.45] So, I decided to do what any good Christian would. [04:15.45] You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice [04:19.05] And polish the one-eyed gopher when you're doin' seventy-five [04:21.88] In an eighteen-wheeler. [04:24.02] I never thought missing children could be so sexy. [04:27.52] Did I say that out loud? [04:29.33] Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' [04:38.38] Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' [04:47.33] Well I find it's quite a thrill [04:52.70] When she grinds me against her will [04:56.63] Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' [05:34.83]